Yuri Gagarin was English

Very few people know that Yuri Gagarin was actually English.

He was born in the tiny hamlet of Milton Clevedon in Somerset, the only son of George and Abigail. He had a quiet rural upbringing and left school with but the basic education.

In 1943 a secret department in Whitehall gained funds to start the British Space Organisation (BSO) and they were soon advertising for personnel. However, because of the War in Europe they found very few willing to join. The BSO concentrated on helping the British develop the RADAR system whilst the war continued and quietly set itself up in waiting for peace to arrive.

As soon as the war was over they advertised again. This time they were inundated with ex-RAF and Navy personnel. In 1946 Yuri, or Gary as was his English name, applied and was taken in to work at the then secret location of Bletchley Park.

By 1957 Yuri had applied himself well and was first in the pecking order to be Britain’s first man into space. The only problem now was that, due to the post war recession, funds were low and a rocket that was powerful enough to take a man into space was too costly to build.

By now the Soviets and the USA had taken the lead in the space race. They were also keen to employ technicians and experts that had shown their worth during the war. Yuri was courted by both countries but, perhaps because of fighting with the Russians during the war, Yuri went east.
On 1st April 1961 he telephoned his father, his mother died a year previously, to tell him that he would become the first man in space in 11 days time. Sadly, thinking it was an April Fools prank his father put the phone down without saying a word. Two days later his father died of a heart-attack.

12th April 1961 Vostock 1 took off from the launch pad with Yuri inside. Twenty five minutes later he was weightless and orbiting the Earth. He was also nearly legless as he had sneaked in a couple of bottles of cider into his capsule, in honour of his West Country roots. The mixture of pure oxygen and alcohol was a strong one. Luckily he was able to sober himself up before he landed with the help of a traditional English roast dinner that he’d also managed to smuggle onboard.

Once he landed Yuri was created a national hero. Parades were arranged in his honour and medals were awarded him by his adoptive country. Back home in Somerset some of his old school mates had a few ciders for him in the local pub, appropriately called ‘The Star’.

In March 1968 Yuri was tragically killed in an air crash on the Russian-Norwegian border. His body was never found.

Story by Dennis Birdcamp.

Message from space deciphered

Space researchers in Pasadena have finally cracked the code and deciphered a message that was received from space in early February of this year.

The signal came from a dark cluster from deep within the Horse Head Nebula star cluster and was picked up by the researchers late one night. Initially it was thought to be cosmic anti-static but, after some studying, the researchers discovered a pattern to the signal suggesting it was sent from some form of intelligence.

The research team were shocked and stunned once they’d managed to decipher the message. Lead researcher Coby Mickleson said, “We’re shocked and stunned. To receive something from outer space is great, to receive something that is clearly from an intelligent source is fantastic, however, we never expected this”.

A full transcript of the deciphered message can be seen below.

Hello,

I believe you are a responsible person and a trustworthy individual.

If this is so then this message is of the most importance and should be treated as such.

I have 60,000 quindogs held in the Quantom Central Bank in Alpha Centuri, and I was wondering if you could help me get them transferred.

All I need from you are your bank account details and passwords.

You will be rewarded.

Please respond pronto.

Yours,

Org.

It is not known of the research teams’ response at this time.

Story by Dennis Birdcamp.

Bomb scare at England training camp!

Fears rose today over the safety of our players at the England training camp in Austria.

Just a couple of weeks away from the World Cup, our dreams could have been shattered forever. During a training session today in the high altitude of the Austrian Alps.

David James and Peter Crouch both collapsed during a challenge on the goal line during a friendly match arranged between the 30 man squad by Fabio Capello the Manager, Coach, and Director of Football.

The England Medical team rushed to the incident and found both players struggling to breathe, oxygen was used to revive the players, and Capello called off the training session immediately and ordered an instant inquiry.

It was found that when Crouch and James landed after the challenge, it set off an old World War Two gas bomb that was buried just centimetres below the turf just inside the six yard box.

An expert said if it had fully detonated the whole town and surrounding countryside would have been poisoned with mustard gas, endangering life and wildlife to extinction in this particular area, which would have cover approximately three hundred square miles.

There are reports already coming from Hollywood about making this story into a film, with The Great Escape 2 suspected to be the title. Some reports say that MGM have already signed up David Beckham and Gareth Barry to play themselves, other reports believe Ossie Ardiles may come out of retirement to play small part in the production.

The England camp have now moved to safer grounds in Poland.

Story by Charlie Snorter.

June - July Blackout across parts of Europe

Scientists are predicting more eruptions from the active Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajokull 'pronounced' "Ay-yah-fyah-lah-yoh-kull" as approved by Susie Dent from the English Oxford Dictionary and of course Countdown fame.

The volcano has become so unstable in the last few days scientists are concerned that it will trigger the larger volcano which unfortunately cannot be translated into English. This almighty volcano only stands 70 miles away, and underground movement has started to create lava flows 300 feet below the surface linking both volcano's. If the big one erupts it would spell disaster across much of Europe including the British Isles. The ash content could block out the sun during the last two weeks of June and the first two weeks of July Twenty Four hours a day.

Plants would die, animals will hibernate, and according to reports coming from Somerset, the electric bill for the Glastonbury Festival would exceed Ten Million pounds! There are late talks about cancelling the Festival because of the costs, but Mr Eavis who holds and runs the Festival said " The only Ash that will bring this festival to its knees is that band from Northern Ireland.

It was revealed today by Mr Eavis that he was actually born in Iceland and moved to Somerset in 1975 when Bjork was born!

Story by Charlie Snorter.

Millwall Football Club doesn't exist!

Back in 1887 during the great depression of the south east of London, there was a bunch of lads who used to work on the docks, and during their lunch hour they would have just enough time to crunch on an apple and kick a ball around.

After a few months of this activity they found there ball skills were up to scratch with the other dockers the other side of the river called the hammers!

This led to the very first ball game of soccer or as it is now called these days football!

Unfortunately the game didn't actually finish with the hammers leading 4 nil. A fight broke out. This was never heard of in these parts of the country!

Anyway a couple of years went by and a proper football association was formed by a nazi government. Millwall in german means 'win all', but unfortunately in jewish it means 'lose all', and this got a young fellow in munich thinking!

His name was Adolf Hitler! So after his so called suicide in a bunker deep in german territory in 1945 (I don't want to dwell on his murderous campaigns) the nazi party fell apart, thus leading to a new football federation called the FA.

The FA had a meeting in 1947 to discuss Millwall FC, apparently then FC meant something else to the local people of Streatham and the surrounding suburbs. Great players like Bobby Charlton, Stanley Matthews,George Best,Pele never played at the Den, their home ground.

Millwall FC still thrives today, and treading the streets around the New Den be on the look out! You might see David Beckham or Fliknife!

Story by Charlie Snorter

Jack and Jill were sisters (and killers)!

I’m sure you’ve all heard of the nursery rhyme about Jack and Jill. You know, the one about two people who went up a hill to get a pail of water, one of them gets hurt and so on.

Well, it appears that Jack was not a guy but a girl, and their reasons for being up the hill in the first place have proven to be rather sinister.

The story originated long before it was first published (1760) and basically was the story of the exploits of two sisters in old Anglo-Saxon England. One Nursery Rhyme expert has even gone as far to say that the rhyme was written by the girls’ mother.

There are lots of versions but all share the same opening four lines.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after

After much research it can be revealed for the first time of this website that the rhyme refers to an assassination attempt on an unnamed King to be!

The clues lay in the translation back to the Anglo-Saxon words it was originally written in.

The word ‘fetch’ in the second line is a corruption of the Anglo-Saxon word ‘getch’ meaning ‘to kill’. In modern English the word, ‘get’ (as in “someone’s out to get me”) is derived from this. Then comes ‘a pail of water’ which can be translated back to ‘fall of waiter’. The ‘waiter’ in this instance is the person ‘waiting’ to be pronounced King. So for ‘fall of waiter’ read ‘the King in waiting was felled’. Let’s continue, ‘Jack fell down’ (Jack fell on the King) ‘and broke his crown’ (literally, broke the crown that the ‘King’ was about to wear over the victims head) ‘and Jill came tumbling after’ (‘tumbling’ is the Anglo-Saxon for ‘scarper’ or ‘dash’ so the true meaning is that they both ‘ran away’).

So, the rhyme should read as follows:

Jackie and Gill went up the hill
To kill a King to be
Jackie felled the king by cracking his crown
And Gill joined when it was time to flee.

Jack should be called Jackie and Jill should be spelled Gill, short for Gillian. Researchers have suggested that this was not the first time that these girls would have done such a deed. Stating that to have had a song (as the rhyme originally would have been orated) written about them suggests they were well known for what they did and also well liked.

It just goes to show that we should never take what we think we know for granted.

Story by Dennis Birdcamp.

David Bowie was a Monkee

I’m sure many of you know that David Bowie’s real name was David Robert Jones. You may have also heard that he changed his name in order not to be confused with the Davey Jones in the Monkees.

Well The Gullible News can exclusively reveal that they were one and the same man.

As the popularity of the Monkees began to tail off Davey decided he wanted a change in direction. Fearing his squeaky clean image created for the Monkees would hinder his new plans he decided to create a whole new persona, one where he could hide behind a mask and become who he really wanted to be.

So he changed his surname to Bowie and started to release his music. Initially he used an out-of-work actor to stand in for him for the photo-shoots and interviews. Thus giving him time to ease himself away from the popular TV series, that had made him famous.

After the first four albums had been released Davey was aware that to continue with his project he’d have to take over from the actor playing his part. So he had extensive plastic surgery to make him look like the actor and had voice coaching to ensure they sounded the same. Because he had to hide the scars caused by the surgery he cleverly invented Ziggy Stardust and Aladdin Sane so he could hide behind the make-up whilst it all healed.

To make sure nobody could discover his secret he hired a young English actor called Bob Roberts to ‘be’ Davey Jones when required. This caused a few awkward moments during the 1990’s when the original Monkees decided to reform. Lucky for Bowie the stand-in had a voice every bit as bad as Davey did, and so they got away with it.

Today Bowie refuses to discuss his past and will refute any story linking him with the Monkees.

Story by Dennis Birdcamp.

Welcome to the Gullible Times

Hello and welcome to The Gullible Times.

As we all know the Internet provides us information on a second by second basis. We can find out almost anything at anytime. A lot of what we read we take on trust. This is where it can all go wrong.

How many of you believe what you read on the Internet to be true?

The answer to this question is that it all depends on the source!

So, welcome to the Gullible Times blog.

This blog will provide you news from across the globe. History news, entertainment news, sports news and more. If it's gullible news you want, you'll get it here.

You won't believe just how gullible some people are.

Look out for updates coming soon.