Car Transporters to beat congestion

The new coalition government has announced today a new plan to reduce the amount of congestion on the countries motorways.

As from 2011 all inside lanes on the major motorways will be designated ‘Transporter Lanes’ and will be used by car transporters taking commuters to and from their workplace, with their cars.
The idea is the brainchild of Conservative MP for Kinston-St Paul Major Gerald Wilkinson-Smythe.

“It will work in a similar way to the ‘park & ride’ schemes” said the Major, “only in this case the cars are driven onto a transporter before being taken along the motorways to their required destinations. Prices will be fixed per route, so it won’t matter what type of car you have, it will be the same price for all”

In a statement released by the coalition last night it suggested the scheme would enable more cars to travel on the motorways without congesting the routes. It would also mean the driver would be in complete control as to whether they return on the transporter or drive to another destination themselves. It would also enable the drivers to work whilst travelling as there will be electrical outlets available to enable commuters to plug in laptops and other electrical devices.
It is understood there would be loyalty points given to the drivers that make use of the scheme which will enable them to purchase petrol/diesel at a cheaper rate. To encourage drivers to make the return journey on the transporter triple points would be rewarded to those who decide to take that option. The sites of the loading and dropping off points will be located next to existing Park & Ride sites to enable the commuter the option of using the bus once at their chosen destination.

A spokesman for the RAC has released a short statement applauding the idea. It reads:
‘We applaud the idea. Any way of reducing the amount of traffic on our roads is welcomed, and this scheme rates highly on our books’.

Work will start on creating the loading and drop off points in the autumn with the M4 being the first motorway planned to be up and running with the scheme by 31st January 2011.

Story by Dennis Birdcamp.

New Coalition Stamp Announced

The Royal Mail has announced that it is in the process of designing and producing a ‘coalition’ stamp.

This will be a first for the Royal Mail as, up until now, with the exception of the current monarch no living person from parliament has ever been represented on a UK stamp.

A spokesman for the Royal Mail, Sir Harvey Wallop, stated that, "The Royal Mail decided it was time to come into the modern age and change the rules. For the last 170 years we have followed rules laid down by Sir Rowland Hill. Today we decide to leave that behind and start afresh. The Royal Mail has often been criticized for living in the past. We say no more. The Royal Mail has now stepped into the present and will take a lead on what happens to the service in the future”.

Sir Charles Gaffney, Labour MP for East Chiswick called the idea “A great waste of tax payers money” and a “Stupid and idiotic idea that makes the Royal Mail look more foolish than ever”.

Lady Frances Fenton-Smythe, the Conservative MP for Upper Stunthorpe thought the idea was wonderful and felt that “This has been something the Royal Mail should have done some time ago. Welcome to the 21st Century”.

Derek Cuttle, the Liberal MP for Gelling-on-Sea stated “I see this as a step forward for the country. I do understand the view of the Labour MP, however I can also see the point that the Conservative MP has made. I think it’s a bit of both.”

As we went to press it was not known as to the value of the coalition stamp would be.

Story by Dennis Birdcamp.